Wednesday, 1 January, 2003, 00:00 GMT

New Year Arrives!

300,000 tonnes of multicoloured explosives in
the latest US ‘nonlethal weapons’ test

Revellers across the United Kingdom and indeed the World are, at this very moment, welcoming the arrival of 2003, the 2003^rd year since the year 0. Many are heralding this, the 1st of January 2003, as the first day of a whole new year. Others, however, are less impressed by the silly affair, being as this is just another second, minute, hour, day, week, month or year like any other.

BOOM! Bang! Pheeeeeeeee.....fizz...crackle! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...BANG! Tsss...whoooosh...KABLAM! Bangbangbang! Whizzzz! Some fireworks

“It just sort of happened,” said Marvin Wilcox, a Toothpick Designer from Swindon, “It wasn’t very interesting really. It felt a bit like when you’re building up to a sneeze, but better.” He sipped his pint and winked at a girl down the bar. “AAATCHOO!”, he added, before wiping his nose and sodding off home.

Many others were disenchanted by the lack of any kind of spectacularness whatsoever. “One second it was 2002, the next it was 2003. It was just like any other night I’ve spent staying up too late writing a website.” said one KTAB journalist, “I’m shattered. As soon as I’ve finished writing this crap, I’m off to bed.”

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