Thursday, 23 January, 2003, 21:46 GMT
Four Wings Good, Two Wings Bad
The dinosaur might’ve looked like this.
We don’t really care.
The dinosaur might’ve looked like this.
We don’t really care.
Palaeontologists were today celebrating the discovery of a small pile of bones on the other side of the world. They imply that a ‘dinosaur’, bearing a strong resemblance to a feathery chipmunk, once lived on Earth! The news of this find has amazed the scientific community, as it implies that some dinosaurs were able to fly with four wings, rather than fly as was previously believed.
The discovery of this latest fossil has prompted further claims that dinosaurs were stupid: “It must have been flying fairly fast towards the ground to embed itself so deep in solid rock,” said Professor Bargle, a palaeontologist on the dig. The find also increases the evidence that they evolved into birds; “We don’t find many fossilised birds,” explains Bargle, “because birds are cleverer, they don't often fly into rocks, though evolution still hasn’t stopped them flying into closed windows.”
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I don’t care how many bloody wings it’s got, I just want them out of my bloody flowerbed!
“Geroffmyland!” said one Chinese farmer.
Aeronautical engineering company Boeing are furious with the discovery and, sources say, propose to sue the dinosaur for patent infringement. “We have had a four-winged flight programme in development for some years now, and we patented the idea of flying with four wings first!” complained spokesman Marvin Wilcox, conveniently ignoring the biplanes of World War I, “it’s utterly illegal for this dinosaur to exist. Palaeontologists are trying to steal ideas from a sensible profession like aviation!”
However, despite complaints abound, Bargle intends to continue his excavations. “It’s important to the future of mankind that we dig up all these old bones because...uhm...anyway, I have to go and shine up the bones for the photographers!”
