Sunday, 9 March, 2003, 01:39 GMT

Electricity Generation Strategy Review

Power stations like this could be replaced with nonexistent ones with the introduction of new Government plans

In the latest in a series of environmentally-orientated White Papers, the government last week proposed radical reforms to their energy policies. They’re getting rid of all the power stations.

Passenger spoke to eminent and very rich power-station owner Mr Roger Bighouse: “This is the stupidest thing the government have ever done,” said Bighouse, “Well, the stupidest thing since VAT on electricity, emission taxes and switching from gas lamps in the first place. My dad was making a killing on gas.”

Government analysts have suggested that the scheme will enable them to put through their plans to privatise sunlight and wind before they can be thrown from office. “It really would be better if weather were run by private companies rather than centrally from the MET Office,” said the spokesman, “And there will be taxes on any whose homes are not lit by sunlight between the hours of 5pm and 8am.”

The scientists have proposed a number of radical new measures to generate electricity in the absence of power stations, including a nationwide ‘Hamster Wheel Grid’ and giant mirrors to reflect sunlight from places which don’t need it. There have even been suggestions that thousands of illegal immigrants may be given balloons to rub on wool to cover electricity demand at peak times.

There has been a mixed response to the report from the public and private sector. However, despite the odd sceptic, most voters seem pleased with the plans, saying that it shows that it shows government policies are getting more sensible.