Thursday, 3 April, 2003, 21:11 BST

Inventor Invents Inventive Automobile

Scientists working on a new eco-friendly form of transport have discovered a machine that they believe will revolutionise the Getting-From-“A”-To-“B” Industry.

Professor Francis T. Bargle was discovered by a Passenger journalist, lying on his back outside the Dog & Duck in Llabenoylno, close to his holiday home. “Wheeee! Tehee! I’ve madea, madea, made alovely bignew car!” he told our correspondent, before reclining in a storm drain.

Passenger, which had relied on the USA being right, and the War on Foreigners being over in under a week, sent our reporter back to try and get a story. Upon locating Professor Bargle he was conducted to a “Top Secret Automobile Research Facility”, adjacent to Bargle’s house and with a fully automatic roll-back door.

“Basically I’ve been working on a mode of transport that is totally different to anything we’ve seen before,” Bargle explained. “Fossil fuels are going to run out, jet engines are impractical for everyday use and, quite frankly, I’m fed up of snapping elastic bands on my fingers every time I try to get my skateboard over 3mph!”

What Bargle has made is best described as an internal-combustion go-cart. Though the actual specifications of the machine are being closely guarded, Bargle was kind enough to explain how the machine works. “You sit in the seat,” he said, “And drive it.”

The vehicle starts when pedalled very fast down the slope of the Professor’s drive and is powered back up the drive by a small electric battery which is charged up by means of a mobile phone charger which must be kept plugged in at all times.

As Bargle rushes to the Patents office car manufacturers from Sydney to San Francisco must be eagerly asking “Are we going to be out of business by Thursday?” with as much fervour as journalists are asking when this bloody stupid war will get finished and make way for a story we can write more than four minutes before the 1:30 deadline.