BEGUN, THIS
CLONE WAR HAS

Professor Francis T. Bargle, a leading geneticist and part-time theologian, has revealed that a US sect has cloned the first ever human being! Though the movement is shrouded in mystery, the ‘Californian Clone Cult’, as it is secretly known, revealed proof that they now have a cloned baby.

“I met both the original ‘father’ and the cloned boy,” Bargle told an excited press conference today, “I can tell you now that the resemblance was most disturbing. He definitely had his father’s nose, but his eyes were a different colour. Despite this, I am sure that no such similarity could be caused without biogenetic interference!”

Claire Timkins, or ‘Supreme Prophet Achamoth Asyrius’ as she likes to be known, explained the inspiration for the project: “We received a divine revelation when we attended trip with the Junior Adept Meet to see ‘Star Wars’. There we saw we all had to lead the world into the light by cloning as many people as possible, so naturally, we started tests.”

The human clone was born at a top-secret location somewhere in the United States, and the scientific community are eager to get their hands on him for proper genetic testing. However, the cult has given away some details of the complex cloning technique. “We’re not really into all that fannying about with test tubes, latex gloves and electrophoretic DNA

separation,” said one lab technician, “it’s so much easier to make loads of close-as-damnit-to-clones using conventional techniques, like shagging.”

The CCC plan to create hundreds of followers by a programme of enforced, frequent and kinky sex over the next five years. He also stated that, to counter the massive food demands a sudden multiplication of global population would cause, the CCC had already persuaded President Bush to “kill everything, and purify the planet with nuclear-biological-chemical war,” though, he conceded, “that's probably not going to happen until April.”

Whatever the religious implications, the scientific community is amazed. “That people can create near-replicas of themselves, simply though sexual intercourse, is proof that the 21st Century is the age of medicine.” said Professor Bargle.

The cult hope to have an army of five thousand Clone Warriors ready to take over the world in about twenty years’ time. So, why sit here reading when you could be upstairs having fun and taking over the World?